I totally get how overwhelming it can be to think about exchanging your own vows on your wedding day. It’s a lot easier to repeat words after an officiant. But it’s also a lot more meaningful to write your own. It captures what’s special about your unique relationship as well as your personal feelings about the person you have fallen head over heels in love with. There’s no better way to start your marriage off on the right foot than with your own personal words of promise.
The key to feeling confident in any situation you are uneasy about is preparation. And with my writing and love storytelling skills, I am going to arm you with some tips to guide you in the right direction and let you in on the top 3 wedding vows mistakes to avoid.
Mistake #1 -- Oversharing
We talk a lot around here about using your personal love story as ammo to personalize your wedding and that couldn’t be more true when it comes to writing your own personal vows. Your wedding vows should be fueled by your love story, otherwise why write your own? In fact, I even coach you how to do this in my, "How to Write Personal Wedding Vows That Wow Start-toFinish Guide and Workbook," but there are some things that need to be kept private. “TMI” wasn’t invented without reason, people!
Use your own judgment on what’s appropriate to share in the intimate setting of your wedding ceremony. Some things in the oversharing category include going on and on about your relationship stories. It’s great to share a personal story, but there’s a limit. You’ll want to share your story clearly and concisely and then move on. Also, don’t tell or reference inappropriate jokes and leave your inside jokes for another time.
Mistake #2 -- Waiting until the last minute to write them or saying them on the spot
If you choose to write your own vows, you, in essence, have indicated that these words are important to you and represent more than simple sentences on a piece of paper. They are the building blocks of your marriage. As such, you need ample time to write a first draft and revise it to make sure your vows reflect your heartfelt thoughts and feelings. Think about your partner who you will be saying your vows to. You would want him or her to deeply feel all the intent you put into your vows.
Any good speechwriter will tell you that they start on their draft months prior to the big day. Why? Because they need time to write, write some more, delete, rewrite, edit and finalize. That’s the difference between an amateur and a professional. Which do you want to be on your wedding day?
Mistake #3 -- This isn’t the time to practice your improv routine
Your partner has come to know you and fall in love with you. You surely don’t want to freak him or her out at the altar with a comedy schtick that’s completely out of left field. And remember all those people out there listening in? This is the time to rise to the occasion and be your best self. Here's a quick tip from "How to Write Personal Wedding Vows that Wow":
Write your vows as if you were talking to your friend because that’s your voice! Nothing is put on and your true personality will shine!
The long-lasting benefits of writing your own wedding vows is totally worth overcoming any overwhelm that you may be feeling. Take an afternoon and devote a few hours to brainstorming all the reasons why you love your soon-to-be spouse. Once you have your loving sentiments on paper, you’re halfway there and if you need additional guidance — a personal wedding vows writing coach if you will — my personal wedding vows writing guide and workbook is here to help.